Wow, what a week it has been. Sooo much has happened in the past few days, I feel as if my head is spinning. Especially Monday. Woof. At this very moment, I feel as if my life should be apart of a Shakespear's story. Found happiness... but can't  have it. One thing is making a barrier between me and that special ending... that I don't understand. There is a lot I don't understand, but this aspect of my life... is by far the most frustrating and most confusing I've ever had to deal with. I was so close... but so far away. I was very upset and very frustrated, but in the long run, I'm glad I did it. The moral of the story... and basically my life...is just do it. Take a chance. You never know what could happen. I wish I did this a long time ago. It would have saved me a lot of stress, and more opportunity for sleep and ect ect.

I thank God for helping me through this. I can still pray and I can still hope... but I know in the long run, its gunna be his plan anyway. So once again, I surrender.

Seriously, why do I keep doing this to myself? I'm tired of never sleeping. I'm tired of being angry and down all the time. I'm tired of thinking of you all the time. I'm tired of everything reminding me of you. I'M TIRED OF THE FALSE HOPE. I'm tired of feeling like I'm on the verge of crying all the time. I want more then anything I have ever wanted before. And I can never explain why. Why do you have such a hold on me? Why? If you would just realize how much I care. I care so much, too much... and I can't stop. I've never cared for anything so much before. I want to say something so bad, but I hold back, because I'm afraid of losing you. I don't want to lose you. But I can't lose you to someone else. I feel like its coming, and I don't know what I'll do with myself. I can't do it anymore. I just can't.

Why? Why am I so stupid?

It's funny how the one thing that makes you the happiest...can bring so much stress. I can't take that.

It doesn't matter.

Stay strong, Heather. You can do it!